Nicole J. Simms

Doubt Becomes Fear

Post date: 31st October 2013
Doubt Becomes Fear

Last week, I received a copy of the anthology that includes my story ‘Caught up in Murder’. As soon as I heard the heavy package drop through the letter box, I rushed to the door and tore open the packaging. I opened the book and scanned the contents page to find my story. I then flicked straight to the correct page and gasped. There it was, my story printed in a book, and one of thirteen interesting stories, I might add. I can’t explain the feeling. I never thought my story would be published in a book, but there it was my first accepted short story.

Now, while I should be over the moon, especially with my crime story going live on the 3rd November, I’m still plagued with self-doubt, and now doubt has grown into fear. I fear I will also fail to achieve my writing dream. Even though I enjoyed web design, I’ve never felt as much passion as I do for writing. The thought of someone reading and enjoying my stories gives me butterflies, and the thought of a whole novel, well, that’s another level of excitement. But there’s this growing doubt that I’m still not good enough, and no matter how hard I work I won’t succeed. It has happened before, but I want to be an author even more than I wanted to be a web designer, which increases my fear of failure.

What sent me on this downward spiral? Well, I had two story rejections. One of them was even my quickest rejection to date, and now my confidence has a giant shotgun hole in it. I can’t seem to shake this one off, maybe because it reminds me that my dreams might never come true. I won’t let this stop me writing, but I’m scared of submitting my stories even more than before. I’ve fought against the fear though, and submitted the story again because someone might want it, I hope.

I have another Horror Tree Post up titled ‘Keep the Faith’. I think I need to listen to my own advice.

http://horrortree.com/setting-self-doubt-fire-keep-faith/

It hasn’t been all bad, though. For my birthday, I went to the Harry Potter Studios, which was amazing. It’s a must see for any Harry Potter fan.

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